Victim blaming and shaming needs to end.

The one thing that bothers me with our new, connected age, is how easily it allows people to hide behind their tiny screens and spew hate, violence and lack of empathy. We are in an age where we are more connected globally, but less so in ways that matter. Less love, less care, less understanding. Recently, I was reading the comments under an article about a woman who opted to let her partner walk free of domestic violences charges. This man had beaten her so badly, that she was confined to a wheelchair, and she did not want him to feel the weight of the law. Her decision caused much controversy, and understandably so. However, I’m not going to be talking about that decision today, because the reality is that this was her decision to make. I don’t know this woman, her life, and why she would make such a call.…

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I am beautiful

I am beautiful. I am fearfully and wonderfully made. My hips are beautiful, my lips are perfect, my fingers are just the way He designed them to be. There are no flaws in my construction, my design, my external architecture. I’m just the way I was created to be. I waited 34 years before I could confidently say these things to myself and actually believe them. Body acceptance, total self acceptance evaded me for many years. As a teen I was on the skinny side, very thin, very waif like. As in headed into my twenties, I struggled to accept my body. Everyone thought I had a good size and was well proportioned, looking back I was, but I fixated on the things I could not change. The size of my forehead, the size of my nose or the shape of my face gave me grief for a long time.…

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Objectification and the male gaze

I intended to drevey for the Easter weekend. A flat tyre on Easter Saturday, a busted spare and closed tyre shops threw holes in my wheel (pun intended) and left me grounded. Instead, I spent the long weekend home, writing, journaling, drinking too much coffee and making meaning of the experiences I am about to share. Realizing that there was no way I was going to get the car to move or get a ride home from a friend, I called a taxi driver I know. Maybe that was the error, calling this person when I knew he had the habit of hitting on me at every available occasion. But at the time, I had little choice and I hoped he’d see how stressed and tired I was and keep his feelings to himself. Not too long after I got into the vehicle, he launches into his Mac Daddy mode.   Him: What…

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Wine and Journals – An Aye Gyal Event

This event will be hosted in Trinidad on  29 April, 2017 – 3-6 pm Unwined Wine Bar, 80 Eastern Main Road and Henry Street Arouca, Trinidad. I love stories and recognize their importance. I find solace, comfort and hope in them. I believe that all our stories matter and they are worth sharing. We do ourselves a great injustice when we don’t see the significance of our stories. The failure to see their importance means that they aren’t shared, they aren’t honored, and  we compare our stories with those of others. We let another person’s story stifle us from sharing ours because we feel that theirs is more powerful, significant, more important than ours. Your story matters and there is no competition in our collective stories. My story of abuse and abandonment is no more significant than the story of the woman who struggles with weight issues or that of the woman who secretly cuts herself. Our…

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Loss is Inevitable. Healing is a Choice

“Your life is probably chaotic, and nothing really makes any kind of sense.” ~ Dancing At The Crossroad. This was me six years ago. On November 28, 2010, I was awakened by a phone call that shattered my world. It was the kind of phone call you are never prepared for, the kind that, years later, still has your heart racing every time the phone rings in the wee hours of the morning. It was 5:30 am. I wasn’t expecting any bad news. I just thought it was my Mom calling to chat, her usual early morning routine while she was having her tea. But this morning was different because my Mom was no longer here to chitty chat. The night before we had such a fun conversation and she rushed me off the phone to talk to her other friends. We committed to catching up the next day, but there…

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