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On boundaries

Boundaries are one of the building blocks of intentional self-care. It’s hard to have any meaningful form of self-care without boundaries. I’ve been unpacking the idea of boundaries for some time and what that really looks like in my life, and how it manifests itself in day to day situations.

 Recently it was about guarding my energy and protecting my emotions with someone with a tendency to bully and manipulate to have their way. It was a pattern I and another friend had been observing each time we said no, disagreed, or this person couldn’t have access to us the way they wanted. I called this person out on the behavior by speaking up about the pattern I’d observed and when this was met with more bullying and attempts at emotional manipulation, I wished this person well and closed access to the door on a pattern of unacceptable behavior. 

We can’t choose others over ourselves. It’s not our job to save people from themselves. We don’t have to put up with bad behavior in the name of friendship, love, business, whatever. Life has taught me to develop the gift of goodbye to anything and anyone who drains me emotionally, wears me down mentally or tries to abuse me financially or otherwise.  Choosing to be a boundaried person won’t always win you marks for popularity, but it will safeguard your soul and help you stand in your worthiness, even if you’re standing alone. 

If you experience anxiety about the thought of being around or talking to a person, examine that. If you feel relieved when your plans to connect with that person fall through, explore that. If you always have to vent about their actions or feel heavy whenever they come around or their name comes up, unpack that. Your body and emotional navigation system are speaking, hun. Listen closely. Act decisively and do it in grace.

Talk soon,

Carlana

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