March lessons

March lessons

Can you help me wave farewell to the month of March? Oh my word, how that month tested me on EVERY level and caused me to confront ALL of my major fears. I hated every moment of the month. Well, that’s an exaggeration, but March sucked on so many levels, at least till I took the lemons and made lemonade. You know what? You learn your strength and test your resilience when you confront your fears and face your demons. There was no way of escaping the things I had to address in March. The only way to go through them was to simply go through them. So I went through and I came out a tad wiser and more empowered from every circumstance that came my way. The wisdom and empowerment I derived does not make me dislike March any less, though. I’m still making meaning of March and how what I’ve experienced will transform me. But as with all periods of challenge, struggle and testing in my life, they always make sense and show their purpose further down the road of my life. 

March was also the month I decided to abandon my mission to dream less and do more. Whilst a great initiative, my body and spirit was saying the time was not right for me.My body was screaming slow down. I started a community, members joined and committed to the process, but I ended up assuming the role of community manager. After my body rebelled, I decided that there would be no striving for anything but self-care. Taking care of my mind, body and spirit became my highest and most important focus to date.

It has not been easy, though. I’m still leaning into the resistance to slow down or be still. But I lean in anyways, because I realize that I’ve gotta choose me daily. That, my friend, is not easy to do as it is to say.  In my case, choosing me daily made me look closely and some of my key relationships. The closer I looked the more I realized that sometimes those closest to us cause the greatest stress and anxiety.  It took me 30+ years to realize that even some of the people I love most and held closest in my heart didn’t really care about me or my well-being, but were more invested in what I could do for them or give to them. Processing that was hard. Making the appropriate changes, even harder.

Here’s the thing though – you need to be unapologetic for guarding your wellness. I’m learning the importance of putting MY wellness and happiness above others, no matter how much I love them. And I have chosen not to feel guilty about it, either. Well why no Carlana? That stance sounds incredibly selfish. Well, I’ll tell you why, my friend –  Jesus ain’t my name. My mission isn’t to save everyone, especially if I’m drowning. I’m no one’s savior. Daily, I’m recognizing that I am the most important and valuable person in MY world and I need to treat my energy and emotions as I would a precious item. This isn’t narcissism. It’s recognizing the importance of loving me and cherishing myself above all else.

Have you had to confront your fears or let friends or loved ones go in order to choose you? Chime in below in the comments. And welcome to April!


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